Next Step...I Mean Jump!

It's been a busy last few weeks and looks like the next few will be even busier. It's Rodeo Season for my husband and I.  We volunteer at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo to give back to the community here in our city.  It is a lot of work, but it is an escape from our everyday routine. The kids also really enjoy the dressing up and seeing all of the farm animals and fun things they have for them.

The video is sides ways..opppsy!

 

Even in the midst of all the everyday life bustle, we are still chugging along.  We are excited to watch Beckett  making new strides.  We are learning to deal with his temper tantrums by both ignoring them and by placing him in our dimly lit room on the bed, while he cries out the fact he can't have what he wants.  We have been pretty consistent with it and it seems that they have gone from 2 -3 hours down to about 15 - 30 minutes.  His receptive communication seems to be getting better.  His new words are "hot" and "cooooollllddd"...He tends to drag out the vowel sounds in his words.  His vocabulary both verbal and signs have made huge gains since the beginning of school this last fall.  I am also noticing that he is beginning to play a bit more independent with toys, especially trucks. We have watched him looking at the wheels roll back and forth when he plays with his cars.  Since Christmas Beckett has loved his new trampoline.  He has actually learned how to jump really high.  It has really improved his coordination.  I do have to admit, it took him a while to actually climb into it.  We had to force him in and once he realized it was going to be ok, he loved it.  I have already thrown my back out twice jumping in it with him. He laughs so hard he sometimes can't stand in it. His laughs are contagious.  When I watch him I forget that he even has any problems and is just like any other

kid having fun. 

New Hope - New Friends

I have seen first hand how a person can go from one extreme to the other in about a week.  Life is strange sometimes. I feel bi-polar!  LOL!  I think I'm at a point where I don't think I'll ever get it, but just to go with the flow.  Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is so faint that you feel like your moving away from it and not to it.  It's amazing how life turns around just when you need it to.  You just hold on long enough for that to happen.  God knows exactly what to do and how to tell you it's going to be ok. 
In the past week I have had the opportunity to meet new people who are in the same boat as me.  I am so blessed that one found me though reading my blog.  I am so excited to be able to talk to someone who is going through some of the same feelings and emotions I am.  It has given me the determination to continue to have hope and push forward with whatever it is I am suppose to do....I'm still working on that one.  My new friend has introduced me to a new FB group of AWESOME people who have children that have Chromosome 6 Disorders.  https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/chromosome6/
I really don't know what I would have done if I didn't have social media to be able to find people who are going through the similar things as I am. 

My Bean - Riding His Belle At Therapy

I also found a new hope in sharing my information on SYNGAP 1 with a person who works in a large pharmaceutical company.  She has told me to appeal to gene therapy companies to peak their interest in doing research on treating the functional gene with micro molecules.  I'm not really sure what that is, but it's worth a try.  So I now have a new goal to work on.  My energy is slowly coming back and my hope in a new day is keeping me going.  Only by the strength of the Lord can I do this!

Rock Bottom & Climbing

As I look back during this last year from when I started this blog, I have to say that this last week has been the absolute worst in my life.  I have been fighting back emotions in several areas of my life over the past 6 months.  I will not lie about feeling so low that I really felt like not going on in this world.  As I said in early posts that I had an outside influence that was affecting our family. This unfortunately happens to be my ex husband.  He hates me, my husband and our success so much that he would do anything to hurt us. 

My youngest son I allowed to go live him because I decided to go to mediation instead of going through a arduous court battle, AGAIN! He has taken us to court before and lied about many things and caused us to waste close to $25,000 that was reserved for my older children's college education.  He has successfully turned my 15 year old son against us.  I believe my son being the youngest, has felt like I have forgotten about him while trying to raise my twins.  As most people realize, raising a special needs child does consume an enormous amount of time and money.  Therefore resulting in changes of the dynamic of how things are done within the family.
The frustration level that I feel is almost indescribable and unbearable.  I am very sad that my 15 year old and my 20 year old are having to deal with anger and bitterness that is directed at both myself and their father. My 18 year old keeps things to himself and doesn't like talking about his feelings.  Which also worries me.  I never wanted it to be that way and have no idea how to fix it.  I wish they would have had a happy childhood, but unfortunately they have had to pay the price for adults who can't act like adults.  I have to admit, that I haven't been the best parent, but I have tried my best. I feel I have failed as a parent and in those regards has been hard to accept. 
Trying to juggle not only my other children I have had to juggle my marriage.  You would think that we would get time together because we work together at the same job.  We don't have much alone time or time to focus on our relationship as a couple.  When you don't spend time together building you then tend to fall apart.  The stress of having a special needs child on a marriage was more than I expected.  I believed I was going to lose everything this week and didn't want to live to see what it would be like losing everything again.  I found myself laying face down on the floor crying in my room begging God to just take me away.  I even feel guilty saying it, let alone thinking it.  I heard a very small voice whisper in my ear, "I will carry you through".  I stopped crying and I prayed for the strength to carry on.  It gave me the peace that the future was going to be ok.  I think I had hit "rock bottom" this week and only the Lord above is able to carry me out of the rocks.  I still fight the sadness, but I try to remember the God is in control and He has a plan.  But I honestly have to say...I really don't know what that is.