Saturday, April 26, 2014

A Different Perspective

Beckett and Daddy decorating Easter Eggs
Easter 2014
A new special mom friend shared this with me a couple of nights ago. A poem written by Emily Kingsley.  This mom happened to see it while her son was in NICU.  You may never experience the life of raising a special needs child. I am not a victim, I am not helpless. God has given me a purpose and a greater love than I have ever thought I could experience. A selfless love. A life of gratitude and appreciation. Not one to be bitter, envious, or selfish. I will admit that this is the hardest thing I ever have had to do. The strength I have is only through my faith in Christ. If I influence you in a way that is encouraging and one that builds, then I have done my job. I am no better than anyone else in this world. I do what I do because its to tell you that you could if you needed to too. If I died today and people spoke of my life, I would want you all to know that I would hope that those things above you would remember me by.
Welcome to Holland
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this…
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Written by Emily Perl Kingsley


Monday, April 21, 2014

Monday, April 7, 2014


This is the part of the year is where it really gets hard to get up in the morning.  The same routine for approximately 187 days. Starting with getting up, organizing backpacks, fixing lunches, gathering clothes for school, making breakfast, getting dressed, doing hair, make-up, pouring a cup of coffee to go, grabbing the purse & backpacks then throwing kids in the backseat and go! Whew!  That's a mouth full!  Granted, I do understand that it is probably half the population of working women with children that carry out the same routine, but to add to that the harder days are when I have only had about 4 hours of sleep. This is due to Beckett getting up during the night and trying to get him back to sleep, if he ever does. It's even harder to get up at 5:30AM and do all of the above plus tack on entertaining/teaching a bunch of squirrely 6th graders science. But I have to laugh at myself when I have to top off the day like it started only to come up with an explanation to why they are going to need it in the "real world".  Makes me want to stick pencil in my eye!  LOL!  I am happy to say I am glad I only have 42 days left of school.  It's been a rough year this year.  I sure hope next year is much better and less tiring.

I am waiting to find out if Mr. B will be able to attend an ABA program here close to us.  If he does happen to get in we will have to find a way to get him there in the morning since I am working.  I am hoping that an online teaching job comes my way so that things will be a little easier to get him there.  We will be going back at the end of April to find out if his seizure medicine is working like it should.  I am thinking that it possibly is going to have to be changed because of his sleep disturbances and irritability increasing during transition times.  Another item on the list that I am going to have him checked for is a condition called PANDAS.  It is an autoimmune disorder that affects the brain, heart and joints when the body is exposed to the Strep infection antibodies.  We have noticed over the past few months that Beckett literally turns into a different child when he has a Strep infection.  So that is on my list of thing s to talk about when we return to the neurologist. 
I am hoping for some answers and a solution to some of his sleep problems.  Sleep is a good thing...I wish I could have more of it!