Flashback Beckett's Story

I know many special needs parents and caregivers can relate to this story.  It's been 4 years since I really sat down and thought about our journey; where we were and where we are now.  I just want to recap the beginning again for those who came in after the movie started ;)

Beckett's Story:

In November of 2012 we found out that my son Beckett has been diagnosed with a very rare autosomal dominant disorder called SYNGAP-1 gene (6p21.3). I didn’t know whether to cry or breathe a sigh of relief. He was the first to be diagnosed at Texas Children’s Hospital Genetics Clinic. Symptoms of this disorder vary in severity and include mild to severe intellectual disability, speech delay, a spectrum of epilepsies and has been linked to autism. Our son Beckett has been in multiple therapies that include OT, PT, speech therapy, play therapy and music therapy.

I knew that something was not right when Beckett was 4 months old. He was not sitting up or meeting the same milestones as his twin sister. I began my search for an answer beginning with my general practitioner, then adding 19 more specialists to the list since his birth. After many tests such as an MRI, EEG, Cat-scan, Microarray and metabolic tests at 2 years old we found out everything was “normal.” But we knew that it was everything but “normal.”

He was unable to walk, feed himself, babble or talk. We waited 14 months to get an appointment to have an evaluation at Texas Children’s Meyer Center for Autism. They concluded that our son was going to have intellectual disability and a severe speech delay, but still no real answers. The Meyer Center then referred us to Texas Children’s Genetics Clinic for Whole Exome DNA testing.  After a grueling thirteen week wait for the results, we finally got the answer to his problems. It took almost 4 years to get a diagnosis for our son.

I was in shock and knew that it would be an uphill battle.  Our genetics doctor only found one published paper on SYNGAP1.  I knew that there had to be more, but sadly there wasn't.  On the drive home from the clinic I cried and prayed for answers to why.  Thoughts of despair and helplessness overcame me.  It took me about 2 days to process the news, but I was determined this was not going to break me. I had no idea the challenges I would be facing taking care of a special needs child while raising four other typical children who needed my attention and a marriage that I was unsure would survive and that is an ongoing struggle to keep a balance.

After a past of abuse in my own personal life before I was married the second time, I was not going to allow myself to be a victim any longer to anything.  I gathered my thoughts and decided then that I would do everything in my power to help him. Finding answers for him and others was my purpose. I began to blog about his progress and wanted to try and raise awareness of SYNGAP1 and find others like him. 
When I posted our diagnosis on my son’s blog I began to reach people from all over the world who were like me.  I created an information page through Facebook that is strictly for research on SYNGAP1 and brain based research that is related to SYNGAP1. The first parent who found me helped me set up a closed Facebook group for parents looking for support and a place to talk about our children’s medical progress and challenges.

As the Whole Exome DNA test becomes more common we see our group growing worldwide. The network we have created in this group has brought several international doctors together to work on research to define our rare disease. We continue to drive research to help find a treatment that will help our children. We have since created a nonprofit for education and research for SYNGAP1. Our group has doubled in the last year.  We currently add newly identified patients worldwide on an average of one per week.  Though this journey over the last four years has been difficult, we have had triumphs and trials. I wouldn’t change for the world. I have learned more about myself and the love I have for people than I ever thought I would if I had not been placed in this situation. I am very grateful and appreciate life more than I ever have and am truely happy doing a job I love.  I will not stop, I will not give up.  #NEVERSTOPPING

What a Crazy Life!

It's been quite busy since the summer.  It has been really hard to just stop and take a breath.  School has started and I am in the thick of working the foundation.  Things have been amazing though. Life has just been lining up and all in God's timing.  I can honestly say that I have never quite felt so at peace and enjoy every minute of work I do to help further research and awareness. It is so true the old saying goes "You never work a day in your life, if you enjoy the work you do".  That is exactly how I feel.  I have an amazing group of supportive people surrounding me, encouraging me and walking every step of the way with me.  I couldn't do this without them, nor would I want to.   I am truly blessed by the people who have entered my life.  I don't think I ever knew what it meant to be fulfilled and all just by helping those who can't help themselves.  People are my passion! Yes, there are some people who are just plain jerks, but I guess life hasn't hit them in the face yet.  Typically, when life hits you real hard, you are given a choice.  Take notice and change to make it better or be a victim of your own circumstances.
Ok, I still get whacked around by life sometimes and they aren't so great, kinda like what happened a couple days ago.  Here's a quick back story on our Beckett.  We have had issues with him getting sick with strep numerous times. We are trying to balance out his medication and make sure his seizures are controlled. His hyperactivity was needing to be brought down a couple of notches. So the medication balancing act has been on going for the last few months.

Well.. We tried something different .. Umm.. Big mistake! I thought well.. Beckett has been doing ok so far in public places no meltdowns in quite sometime..to no avail!! I take him with his sister to watch the last part of her daddies football game. That lasted all but 5 minutes. Beckett decides he wants to go up the bleachers. Welp, this momma thought oh God!! I'm in trouble now! Sure nuff that boy in front of God and everyone pulled hair, screamed to to top of his lungs like I was killing him. Of course half the Stadium was filled with my parents and my students. You could hear a pin drop in the middle of each of his breaths to scream again. I was mortified for about one second and wanted to cry. But I didn't.. But our police officer who is on our campus came to us and calmly helped me with my child. He walked us to the car as he was screaming. He looked at me and said "it's ok momma" I looked at him and said this is why I will never stop looking to help my child lead a normal life. He said.. "I know.." And he smiled through all of the screaming. Then I got in my car and cried..I cried all the way home. This meltdown was nothing like I had seen in a while.  I finally got his medicine down him and bathed for bed.  Through all the screaming and crying, he finally laid down in my bed and fell asleep next to me.  I was alone at home and I had left Pyper with her dad.  The silence was golden. I very gently scooped him up, all 67 pounds of him.. (that's why I workout, that kids is heavy) and carried him upstairs to his bed.  When I came back down stairs I sat down and the tears just wouldn't stop.  I couldn't quit crying.  It felt good though just to weep.  I didn't feel sorry for myself.  I was just tired and scared.  Scared of what the future has for him and us.  A flood of anxiety came over me, but as fast as it came it left.  It was the hope that we (our SYNGAP families) are building something that will change peoples lives.  It is something I can't stop just because I am tired, so I thought.  I guess I had to give myself permission to rest and just not think about anything. I had to mentally and emotionally push a reset button.  I think that time to let go was what I needed to put things in perspective and remind me of why I am doing what I am doing.  It's to help better other lives, not just my own. That's hard being the naturally selfish people that we are.  Sometimes a good smack in the head keeps it level.  So here's to life and to one more day.  Bless those who bless others, that is what life is about.  

It's a Marathon, Pace Yourself

I am sitting here next to my little Bean thinking that this is a race that never will end. I realize that he has so much to offer and he has taught me so much about life.  But on the other hand, I feel so guilty that he has these problems. He never ask for them, let alone deserved any of it. I get frustrated having to deal with the changes that happen everyday. It is like living a continuous state of post traumatic distress.  He is so cute and adorable when he is just happy and having fun, but when you tell him "no" all hell breaks loose and he turns into a different child.  The art of distraction is the key to curbing these horrendous meltdowns. My problem is trying to find different things to take his mind off what he is upset about.  The emotional and physical toll is taxing on your body, mind and soul. I have to reach deep into myself and find the strength to deal with this life I have been given. The good Lord above is my only strength.  I don't know how anyone does life with out relying on faith. That is my only hope.  Some days are wonderful and some days are absolutely pure hell.  His behavior over the last couple of  months has been erratic and we have started a new seizure medicine called Lamotrigine. It is suppose to help control the seizures and help curb the behavior. We have to watch for a rash that can be lethal and it will take a couple months to get him titrated up on the higher dose to see a full result of its effectiveness.  I have been told by several people that when children like him are growing, their brains are changing and that is when the behaviors are much more prevalent. So living day to day is the key.  Honestly, the older I get, the more fear I have that I will not be strong enough or have the energy to deal with his behavior.  I am already so tired and have no idea what it will be like in 10 years.  I will be 55 then and can't even imagine those days.  I already have very little help from my family or my husbands family.  To be honest, I am wondering when my husband and I will ever be able to spend a night away from home just to be together for any type special occasion? We haven't been over night anywhere in 5 years.  I think the last time we went anywhere overnight alone was when the twins were about 10 months old.  Of course that was before we knew exactly what he had and was not to hard to cope with at the time.  What will probably end up happening is I will have to pay someone tons of money to do it and then worry the entire time that my Bean will not be cared for like he should.  So I just sit and imagine myself going to Hawaii sitting on a beach with my husband and hoping when I get to Heaven that it is much better than Hawaii could ever be.  I do have hope that things will get better as soon as we can figure out the proper medicine for him.  It just seems to take forever.  I haven't given up hope on miracles either. I believe in miracles.  I believe that there is a purpose of why all of this is happening.  I just need a break sometimes.

Beckett and his twin Pyper at the Houston Zoo Lights 2014

My husband told me something the other day that I have thought about ever since.  I was complaining to him my discontent and frustration about how everything just seems to get harder and never seems to end.  He told me "Monica, this is a marathon, pace yourself!"  I was kind of taken back, but I stopped and thought about it. He was right. I need to just keep on keeping on, but deal with things that come up and not worry about the things that are out of my control.  He reminded that worry is just borrowing trouble.  Things will be the way they are going to be.  I will keep running, pacing myself.  I am determined to finish this race.  I might not win any trophies, but I will know I never gave up and if I have to drag myself across the finish line, I will.

1 Corinthians 9:24 Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.

An On Going Phase

It has been a busy summer.  Beckett has been going to day camp every other week with his twin sister.  We were suppose to start his ABA school in July, but have had to put it off until we can see about our finances.  Our insurance deductibles have gone up again.  We are still trying to pay off our loans from previous deductibles from past years. Another issue that we had with starting ABA is that we can't get much help from my parents who could bring him and pick him up, but have other things going on in their lives that keep them from helping us a lot. 

On the upside, Beckett seem to be progressing much faster than in the past.  He is beginning to repeat words and communicate with everyone.  This is huge because his frustration level has gone down a lot.  He is following simple directions and beginning to problem solve. An example of his problem solving is when I told him to leave the chain to the light on the ceiling fan alone.  He would stand on the coffee table and pull it on and off.  When I wrapped the chain up so he couldn't reach it he jumped down and ran to the switch at the wall and turned the light on and off from there.  I was shocked that he even put two and two together.  But he seems to be figuring it out.

Behavior wise he has started to have more fits when he doesn't get what he wants or is trying to get attention.  His new thing is striping his clothes off and then peeing on the floor.  We have had a couple of incidences at camp where the teacher turned around to see what the kids were laughing at, and Beckett had his pants down to his ankles.  Now it's all fun and games.  I am also a little stressed about school starting. This year Beckett and Pyper will be attending different elementary schools.  Pyper will be going to her regular school and Beckett will be attending a new school that offers life skills.  It is a sister school in the same neighborhood.  We were quite upset when we found out that our school district will not bus Beckett from our daycare due to the fact that it is not in its attendance zone.  Funny thing is, the school he attended last year that was out of the attendance zone and he was at the same daycare and was bussed with no problem.  We will be addressing that with some higher ups in the school district. He has transportation that was agreed upon in his IEP meeting last year and haven't had an IEP to remove it since. So right now we are having to pay the daycare to bring him to school.  I am sure I will all work out though, it always does.

In the meantime while the twins were in camp I have been working on several projects.  The first project is with another SYNGAP parent and myself, We are working on organizing a non-profit foundation.  We are in the beginning stages right now.  We have submitted our name reservation, which it is going to be called Bridge The Gap- SYNGAP Education and Research Foundation. Our board members have been chosen and we will be submitting our next application for the establishment of an incorporation.  We will be very busy this year working to get it all together.


The second project I have been working on to raise awareness of a House Bill that needs to be mandated in to law. I have been visiting my Congressional Members of Congress to draw attention to this Bill.  It is called the HR 1591 The Charles August Long Undiagnosed Diseases Research & Collaboration Network Act of 2013.  This law is named after a 5 year old boy who passed away undiagnosed.  His name was Cal.  Doctors are still searching for his killer.  Here is a little background on this bill and why it is so important for it to pass.

Many families have been searching for a diagnosis for several years to no avail.  Giving physicians the ability to search a national registry to help diagnose their patients would be tremendously helpful to all of the families on the journey to diagnosis.  The waiting for answers and not knowing what a child’s future holds is tormenting for so many.  This tool would be a GREAT advancement in the handling of cases of individuals searching for a diagnosis.  Unfortunately, this cannot be implemented without YOUR HELP!
The bill, HR 1591, would help individuals and military Service Members and Veterans who have unexplained symptoms and medical problems by establishing an undiagnosed diseases registry. Currently there is not a registry that helps physicians and researchers diagnose and treat those with unexplained conditions. (http://www.urourhope.org/tag/hr-1591/)
It would also:
• provide physicians who are handling undiagnosed cases to search for similar cases and to network with other physicians handling similar cases in order to find a diagnosis
• enable physicians to cross reference undiagnosed diseases with other common diseases and rare diseases to help find a diagnosis, identify similar findings and potential treatments.
• help physicians and researchers describe prevalence of cases of undiagnosed diseases throughout the United States while making necessary data available, such as environmental, generic and occupational factors, that are associated with undiagnosed diseases.
• help physicians and researchers better outline demographic factors of individuals who are undiagnosed.

Please contact your representative and ask them to co-sponsor this bill. 
 

Life Orchestrated

Life amazes me sometimes.  This is so true, that when you think your at the lowest point and there is no getting out, things just seem to go up and fall into place.  My faith makes me believe that life is an orchestra that just plays continuously until God is finished with you. I am hoping that I'm not done being used yet...I have just started..:)  Over the last few weeks I have watched my life take turns that I never thought would happen.  People, places and things have all been set.  I do believe without my faith, diligence, and tenacity that things will not happen as they should. Over the last few weeks I have been given the opportunity to share Beckett's story.  Global Genes and CNN I-Reports have both published his story on the Internet.
http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1144791

http://globalgenes.org/mom-spreads-awareness-about-rare-syngap-1-gene-disorder-after-sons-diagnosis/

We have submitted his story to the United States House of Representatives, Energy and Commerce Committee to help pass legislation that will help the rare disease and rare chromosomal disorder community.  I have been asked to share Beckett's story to be published in the official Tribute To Champions 2014 Gala program with Global Genes Project.  The most exciting part of these past few weeks, besides everything else has been the published; is the new SYNGAP research that was done by Dr. Gavin Rumbaugh and his team of scientists at Scripps Labs.

http://www.cell.com/neuron/abstract/S0896-6273(14)00401-2

Our group of SYNGAP parents are also anticipating a new study to be released mid-summer by Dr. Jacques Michaud and Dr. Michael Parker about SYNGAP and epilepsy.

An exciting summer and still more to come.  Our small group of parents are also in the beginning stages of forming a non-profit foundation that will support research, awareness and small medical grants for families and caregivers of SYNGAP patients.  So stay tuned for new and exciting stuff!

************************



 

 

Beckett has just taken off developmentally.  In the last three weeks or so his language has increased and he his trying to repeat every one's words, I mean every word.  That's includes when he heard the word "ass" and repeated it exactly as he heard it.  And this time, it wasn't me saying it.  I do have to admit it was pretty funny stuff.  We had to get serious really fast and tell him "No, no, no!"  So now he shakes his finger at you and says that instead.  He is also asking for help, going to the potty by himself, asking for snacks when he is hungry by pointing.  For words he doesn't know yet he is coming to me taking my hand and takes me to what he wants or needs.

I was amazed the other night as we were putting the twins to bed and he was all tucked in.  I was looking for his chewy tube and couldn't find it.  I was stunned to see that he got out of bed, turned on the light, came back to the bed and found his chewy tube in the sheets.  He then put the chewy tube in his mouth, went back to turn out the light and crawled in bed.  I sat there with my mouth open in awe and I had to pick my jaw up off the floor when I left the bedroom. It came to me that this boy is problem solving...LIKE FOR REAL!!! 
I don't know if the combination of the medications are helping or if it is just him "growing up" a bit.  I might think it is a little of both.  I have always wondered if the Omega-3's he has been on since he was two years old has helped his brain development. The seizures being controlled has helped his cognition, while the Zoloft has decreased his sensory anxiety along with a significant decrease in his OCD tendencies.  I am very happy with his progress and I am hoping it continues as he gets older. I can't help to think that maybe we have stumbled on to something with the Omega 3's, but maybe time will tell.  Maybe I should mark my words and hypothesize that maybe the Omega 3's are protecting the cells in his brain from damage that the seizures cause.  It's a shot in the dark..but that's usually where science starts, in an "educated guess".

One of our many visits at Texas Children's Hospital
He loves Mini Moo!

HEAR MY CRY!!!

Over the last few months I have been trying to find my place.  Asking myself questions of ,"Where do I start?  Who will listen?  Who really cares?"  I am learning that more people do care, but there is so much going on who has time to do much about another person's problems.  My steps have been small, but as I look back on two years of shouting to the sky, I feel like I have been heard.  I am so excited to announce that the group www.GlobalGenes.org has published my son's story.  I have been a volunteer advocate leader for them and trying to help raise awareness of rare diseases and rare genetic conditions. This to help inform the public to to pass legislation that will benefit the Rare Disease community and encourage them to contact our United States Congress.  If you would like to read the published story about my son, please follow the link.
http://globalgenes.org/mom-spreads-awareness-about-rare-syngap-1-gene-disorder-after-sons-diagnosis/

Please contact your US Representatives and ask that the pass the following legislation.

If you would like more information on the pieces of legislation being discussed please follow the links below:

House Bill 460:   http://beta.congress.gov/bill/113th-congress/house-bill/460/

House Bill 1591:  http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fbeta.congress.gov%2Fbill%2F113th-congress%2Fhouse-bill%2F1591%3Fq%3D%257B%2522search%2522%253A%255B%2522H.R.%2B1591%2B%2522%255D%257D&h=dAQEaOjeQ

In the meantime, Beckett has finished his Kindergarten year and is looking forward to a relaxing summer.  We are hoping that he begins his ABA school in July and looking forward to seeing his progress.  Since last summer we have seen vast improvements in his verbal communication and his cognitive level has improved. He is saying his siblings names so that you can understand them and is having a better time expressing his needs verbally.  He can following two word commands and understanding directions more so than he ever has.  We believe that since Beckett's seizures have been controlled his learning has increased at a more rapid rate.  I am super excited to see him grow and develop when he begins Spectrum of Hope. 

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10202000707371403&l=1997653894636273445

 

Please Help Us Raise Funds For Beckett

These funds will be used to help pay for Beckett's ABA school and medical bills.

Thank you in advance for your support!

So Proud of My Bean!!

It's been a crazy few weeks.  I've been gearing up for our Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo!  I absolutely love rodeo even though it can be really tiring at times, but so worth it!  If you are ever in Houston, Texas for a visit in March, you need to put the rodeo on your bucket list of things to do before you die.  There's not an experience like it. You really have to check it out!  I am what they call a Gate Keeper.  I am the one who welcomes you to the Rodeo and takes your ticket to get in.  It's a blast and I love meeting new people from all over the world.  http://www.rodeohouston.com/

In the mean time, I have been working to collect as much data for Dr. Michaud from other parents of children with SYNGAP.  I am still trying to get in touch with the genetic doctors at Texas Children's Genetics Clinic. I am trying to get them on board with Dr. Michaud and Dr. Parker from the UK to help define SYNGAP and have it identified as an actual diagnosis for the medical DMP.  I am also super excited to have at least 7 of the families in the US that have gotten the information packet from me to send to Dr. Michaud.   I am also excited to hear about the new discoveries that Dr. Michaud and his colleagues are going to be publishing soon.   I will keep everyone posted on the developments as they arise.

Beckett Spelled His Name Out At School

On the other side of things I have been so very proud of my Bean.  Beckett's teacher at school has been helping him to spell out his name in letters.  He also has been trying hard to write his name.  Since he has been on his seizure medication he has really progressed more than I expected.  He is more aware of his surroundings and making more of an effort to communicate his needs with us.  He is learning something new everyday.  He is imitating almost everything he sees.  I am so glad we found out about his seizures.  It has made a world of difference.  Of course we still have the melt downs when he doesn't get what he wants, but I guess that's normal for a child who is at the mental age of three.  We are working on trying to be patient and having to wait for things.  I didn't realize how hard teaching that concept is.  I assume that when he matures a little more he will eventually get it. 

 



 

Past Memories - Beckett @ 7 months old

I realize that this is a long video, but we wanted to capture Beckett's behavior, facial expressions, motor movements and over all reaction to certain stimuli (the vacuum).  Please ignore the last couple minutes, my husband seemed to get creative and video me vacuuming the curtains...SMH!  LOL!  At this point in time Beckett could not sit up, crawl, had very uncoordinated movements, was very sensitive to sounds. As you can see in the video he suffered many months with acid reflux.  I knew at 4 months that something was wrong when he could not hold his head up, grasp toys, or sit up on his own.  He screamed during bath time.  We could bot figure out if it was the water temperature, being naked, or the feeling of the water itself.   He was a very happy baby for the most part.  As you can see his twin sister was functioning at normal age and hitting all her milestones.  I believe that Beckett being with his twin helped model behavior and help his imitation of play.  About 6 weeks after this video was made we had put him in physical therapy.

The video below is the first year Beckett was in the Early Childhood program in our public schools.  This is one of the moments I treasured and knew that he had an idea how to comprehend some things.  I was so excited.  He was 3 1/2 in this video.



New Year - New Goals

It's been two weeks since Beckett's epilepsy diagnosis.  He seems to be doing well on his medication.  We started with 2.5ml of the Zonisamide liquid and we upped his dose to 5ml last night.  He looks to be more aware of his surroundings and not so confused.  He has been making more sounds and communicating much better.  He actually sits and watches cartoons much longer than he ever has.  I have always thought that the flashing, flickering lights from the TV caused him to be distracted and triggered some of his epileptic disturbances.  It's like a new world has been opened up for him. He seems more aware and his receptive speech has increased substantially.  The unfortunate thing is I think this has triggered his terrible 3's again.  His "awareness" has made him a little more independent, resulting in the attitude of I want what I want...NOW!"  For example, every time we get in the car and start to go somewhere, if it's not where he wants to go he throws a wall-eyed fit!  I'm not really sure how to pacify him at this point, but like everything else; trail and error.  One thing I have noticed with him on the medicine, is he loves to sing.  He can hum a tune almost exactly at the same pitch as the song.  He knows what comes next in the song.  I wish he could talk.  Sometimes I think he is not as slow cognitively as once thought.  He just has no way to communicates what he thinks or wants.  He is making slow progress.  I try not to worry about the future, but it is always in the back of my head how he will be when he gets to be in his teens and adulthood.

Playing at the Park on the BIG slide!

My goals this year are to try and find a way to get him the therapy he needs, start a foundation, and find a job that is more flexible and to get my thoughts and worries under control.  I never imagined how hard this life can be.  A lot of my frustration and worries come from the feeling of not getting the support we sometimes need from people.  This can be a very lonely journey.  Most people just go about their daily lives and don't give a second thought about how they can help.  Sometimes by help, I mean just watching the kids for a night a month so that my husband and I can spend sometime together.  People don't know how it really is unless they live it.  Sad part is, most don't want to know, so they just avoid it and exclude themselves from the equation all together.  So I try and let it go and continue to chug on.  That's all I can do, sometimes that's all there is to do.  I do pray God's blessing on my family.  I know he will come through as always, even though I have to admit I get angry at times because He doesn't move as fast as I would like.  But all in time, right?  I am thankful for the strength He gives, because some days I really don't know how I get through them. 

Hiking along Cypress Creek

Ohhhhh....The Joys of A 20 Hours EEG...And we're only 9 hours in.....

Well today is the day for Beckett's 20 hour EEG.  Stick me with a fork...cause I am DONE!! Poor baby came in all in a riff last night because not having him on his routine. That is a big NO, NO!  I was already sweating when I hit the door of the hospital carrying with me 4 pillows, a rolling suitcase containing toys and clothes, an ice cooler with food to get us through, my purse and then Beckett in tow.  You would have thought I was moving in.  None the less, we finally got in.  After the attendant brought us back, Beckett just wasn't having it!  He ended up pooping in his pants.(seems he does that when he doesn't want to be somewhere) had to change his clothes then get him to take his time released melatonin WITHOUT ice cream.  LOL!! Yea..they got all that on video...Well, after I struggled to get new clothes on him and cleaned up, the melatonin started to kick in.  He finally fell asleep with me holding him in this little bitty chair they have in his room.  I sang and I rocked, I sang and I rocked..repeat...LOL! My back was killing me in this little chair and I'm looking around in, asking myself..I'm really going to entertain this child for 20 hours in HERE!!! They MUST be crazy!  On top of that..sitting in this chair for about an hour and a half, I had to go pee!  REALLY BAD! I realized..they don't even have bathrooms in these rooms.  HOW STUPID!  At least they have a sink so I can at least run the water and make me need to go pee more!  UGH!


 On top of all that, the electrodes were finally on.  BUT..and yes that was a big BUT! There was something wrong with the wires or the box.  So now I had too try and keep him asleep so she could trouble shoot the wires so they could get a good read.  I was actually surprised that he stayed asleep for all of it.  Now only to get him into the bed without waking up.  YEA RIGHT!  You got it...Murphy's Law!  When something can go wrong it will.  Someone really needs to go shoot Murphy!  Not even 2 seconds after I laid him down, he's up!  Yep! And I still can't go pee. My eyeballs are floating!  LOL!  Yes, sometimes that is all you can do is laugh just to make it through.  Time in is only 4 hours and he has only been hooked up for 2 of those. Finally around 1am he dosed off long enough so I could slip out and go relieve myself.  Then I came back.......get in bed next to him thinking I can get some shut eye too. NOPE!  Beckett gets up and decides to poke me in the eye after I dosed off.  He thought that was great fun!  The tech had to come back in to readjust the probes because he figured out they were on his head.  Now it's a game.  He is just laughing it up, loving the fact she is messing with his head.  He is super sensory and I think the pressure of her pressing on his head to put the electrodes on gave him some sensory input.  He was up now!  I am thinking to myself, "He'll never go back to sleep and they are gonna send us home".  I gave him another milligram of melatonin to see if that wouldn't get him back to la-la land.  Finally, at 3 am he fell asleep.  Of course at this point my back is killing me and I am so tired I have become delirious. So I am up now at 6:30am watching my boy sleep wondering what his little brain is doing.  Hoping I can make it through the next 11 hours.  We shall see!  I'm going to finish my cup of coffee now:) 



Sleeping Cutie Woke Up!...but we made it through 12 hours and said they got a good read..so we can go home now!!

 

Breaking Out of the Bad into the Good!!

Well...you know I had to incorporate something in the title of one of my favorite shows on TV, Breaking Bad..LOL!  Yes, the finale is tonight!!  It is a very thought provoking show that has made me think about how people can take two different paths on how to deal with "Bad" things that happen in life.  Of course, this series took it to the extremes and showed the desperation and obsession one man had to live his life like he wanted and also try and justify it by using the excuse of taking care of his family.  Funny thing is, I think we have all thought about the "what if's?" and then just continued on with the life we have been dealt.  I guess this is where our belief's and values come in. I whole heartedly believe that God puts us in situations either to teach us something or to prepare us for something we will have to deal with in the future.  But He is where we get our strength.

This whole experience that my family and I are in with taking care of a special needs child has allowed us to meet people we otherwise would have never met, showed us that sometimes our plans aren't as great as what God has for us, and that we can live with the trails put in front of us and come out stronger that we ever thought.  People say to me all the time, how do you do it?  I think to myself and laugh that, "I just do!"  You could too if it was put in front of you, you are forced too. Most of us think we couldn't because of the things we would so selfishly have to give up.  But you just do it because you love your child.  What else would I do?  Lock him in a closet somewhere and throw him some food and water every now and again?  He is my son and is a person that God created and has given him to us as a gift.  We are charged with taking care of him. 

Over the last 9 months since Beckett has been diagnosed with SYNGAP1 I have come to know many people that are going to be life long friends and am excited that we can be a support for each other.  We together are working on a way to raise awareness and hoping to begin a foundation that will raise money for research and to help families like ours with medical financial needs.  Of course, we are looking for a civil attorney that can donate their time to help us out with that..so if you happen know anyone..send them my way! ;)  

Since my last update on Beckett, he has begun to say more words.  This morning he called for his daddy to come get him and has said the phrase "Help Me!".  We have him on a new medication called Intuniv that helps him with his impulsive behavior and acts as a mood stabilizer. We have had to adjust it some as at first it made him sleep 16 hours a day. He takes it one time a day. I think we now have it set to where he takes it at night before he goes to bed and helps him not to be so sleepy.
Over all, Beckett is still making slow progress, but it's progress.  He still has his daily meltdowns afterschool, but we are working on those and my "art of distraction" is getting better.  We still take everyday as just that, day by day.

And you know I couldn't just end my post with that.  I have to share how proud I am of my oldest son for graduating from the United States Marine Corp.  He has made me so proud too! 

Summer Blues

I guess I am going through the up & down emotions of having my oldest son in the United States Marine Corp Boot Camp right now.  He is in his 5th week and has started the 2nd Phase of training.  I worry about him getting hurt or getting sick.  I didn't think it would be this hard to let go as a mom.  His siblings are also missing him.  I can't remember the last time I actually watched the mailbox for letters.  Usually it's just the bills! LOL!  The twins seem to miss him too.  Pyper asks every now and then where he is and Beckett goes to his recliner every night to give him a kiss good night.  That's where Taylor usually was when he wasn't at work or at a friends house.  Anyway, I can't wait till September when he graduates and is officially a United States Marine!  Ooh Raa!!!

Since the beginning of summer we have had the twins in summer camp at our rec center. Beckett really seems to enjoy it.  He sure is tired though at the end of the day and has the occasional melt downs in the evening.  We ended up having to take him off his ADHD medication again, because of the irritability and anxiety it causes him.  It seems to cause his meltdowns to be worse as he comes down of the medication. 

I am happy to say that I have met another mom in my area with a son Beckett's age that has SYNGAP.  He is a little older than Beckett and looks a though he is hitting the same milestones at about the same time as Beckett did.  My new friend has told me about absence seizures that her son has.  I wasn't quite sure what they were until she explained them to me.  I have recently been paying closer attention to Beckett's behavior and have noticed that his inattention at times could be these types of seizures. I always thought his zoned out inattention could be chalked up to being his ADHD. She gave me the name of her neurologist and I have since made an appointment with him to check him for these type seizures.  So I am hoping to get clarification through a sleep study I am going to ask him to do. 

 

 

I have been feeling guilty because we don't' have him private therapy because of the cost and times available for me to have to go to work.  I understand much better how moms or dads have to give up their careers to take care of a special needs child.  It is incredibly frustrating!  I am glad that he gets to go to summer camp with his sister and be able to be around "normal" kids his age.  I believe it helps him understand the social expectations a bit better. I am also getting excited about him starting a full day PPCD and seeing where that will lead us this year.  Beckett is still on the waiting list for a day program for ABA, but we are still trying to workout getting to and from the program while I work.  I have faith the God will work out something if it His plan.  Hopefully the summer blues will subside soon.  I am trying to gear up for another year of teaching.  This will be year number 19 and counting!  Let's hope I can get to retirement..LOL! :)