What a Crazy Life!

It's been quite busy since the summer.  It has been really hard to just stop and take a breath.  School has started and I am in the thick of working the foundation.  Things have been amazing though. Life has just been lining up and all in God's timing.  I can honestly say that I have never quite felt so at peace and enjoy every minute of work I do to help further research and awareness. It is so true the old saying goes "You never work a day in your life, if you enjoy the work you do".  That is exactly how I feel.  I have an amazing group of supportive people surrounding me, encouraging me and walking every step of the way with me.  I couldn't do this without them, nor would I want to.   I am truly blessed by the people who have entered my life.  I don't think I ever knew what it meant to be fulfilled and all just by helping those who can't help themselves.  People are my passion! Yes, there are some people who are just plain jerks, but I guess life hasn't hit them in the face yet.  Typically, when life hits you real hard, you are given a choice.  Take notice and change to make it better or be a victim of your own circumstances.
Ok, I still get whacked around by life sometimes and they aren't so great, kinda like what happened a couple days ago.  Here's a quick back story on our Beckett.  We have had issues with him getting sick with strep numerous times. We are trying to balance out his medication and make sure his seizures are controlled. His hyperactivity was needing to be brought down a couple of notches. So the medication balancing act has been on going for the last few months.

Well.. We tried something different .. Umm.. Big mistake! I thought well.. Beckett has been doing ok so far in public places no meltdowns in quite sometime..to no avail!! I take him with his sister to watch the last part of her daddies football game. That lasted all but 5 minutes. Beckett decides he wants to go up the bleachers. Welp, this momma thought oh God!! I'm in trouble now! Sure nuff that boy in front of God and everyone pulled hair, screamed to to top of his lungs like I was killing him. Of course half the Stadium was filled with my parents and my students. You could hear a pin drop in the middle of each of his breaths to scream again. I was mortified for about one second and wanted to cry. But I didn't.. But our police officer who is on our campus came to us and calmly helped me with my child. He walked us to the car as he was screaming. He looked at me and said "it's ok momma" I looked at him and said this is why I will never stop looking to help my child lead a normal life. He said.. "I know.." And he smiled through all of the screaming. Then I got in my car and cried..I cried all the way home. This meltdown was nothing like I had seen in a while.  I finally got his medicine down him and bathed for bed.  Through all the screaming and crying, he finally laid down in my bed and fell asleep next to me.  I was alone at home and I had left Pyper with her dad.  The silence was golden. I very gently scooped him up, all 67 pounds of him.. (that's why I workout, that kids is heavy) and carried him upstairs to his bed.  When I came back down stairs I sat down and the tears just wouldn't stop.  I couldn't quit crying.  It felt good though just to weep.  I didn't feel sorry for myself.  I was just tired and scared.  Scared of what the future has for him and us.  A flood of anxiety came over me, but as fast as it came it left.  It was the hope that we (our SYNGAP families) are building something that will change peoples lives.  It is something I can't stop just because I am tired, so I thought.  I guess I had to give myself permission to rest and just not think about anything. I had to mentally and emotionally push a reset button.  I think that time to let go was what I needed to put things in perspective and remind me of why I am doing what I am doing.  It's to help better other lives, not just my own. That's hard being the naturally selfish people that we are.  Sometimes a good smack in the head keeps it level.  So here's to life and to one more day.  Bless those who bless others, that is what life is about.  

Past Memories - Beckett @ 7 months old

I realize that this is a long video, but we wanted to capture Beckett's behavior, facial expressions, motor movements and over all reaction to certain stimuli (the vacuum).  Please ignore the last couple minutes, my husband seemed to get creative and video me vacuuming the curtains...SMH!  LOL!  At this point in time Beckett could not sit up, crawl, had very uncoordinated movements, was very sensitive to sounds. As you can see in the video he suffered many months with acid reflux.  I knew at 4 months that something was wrong when he could not hold his head up, grasp toys, or sit up on his own.  He screamed during bath time.  We could bot figure out if it was the water temperature, being naked, or the feeling of the water itself.   He was a very happy baby for the most part.  As you can see his twin sister was functioning at normal age and hitting all her milestones.  I believe that Beckett being with his twin helped model behavior and help his imitation of play.  About 6 weeks after this video was made we had put him in physical therapy.

The video below is the first year Beckett was in the Early Childhood program in our public schools.  This is one of the moments I treasured and knew that he had an idea how to comprehend some things.  I was so excited.  He was 3 1/2 in this video.



Breaking Out of the Bad into the Good!!

Well...you know I had to incorporate something in the title of one of my favorite shows on TV, Breaking Bad..LOL!  Yes, the finale is tonight!!  It is a very thought provoking show that has made me think about how people can take two different paths on how to deal with "Bad" things that happen in life.  Of course, this series took it to the extremes and showed the desperation and obsession one man had to live his life like he wanted and also try and justify it by using the excuse of taking care of his family.  Funny thing is, I think we have all thought about the "what if's?" and then just continued on with the life we have been dealt.  I guess this is where our belief's and values come in. I whole heartedly believe that God puts us in situations either to teach us something or to prepare us for something we will have to deal with in the future.  But He is where we get our strength.

This whole experience that my family and I are in with taking care of a special needs child has allowed us to meet people we otherwise would have never met, showed us that sometimes our plans aren't as great as what God has for us, and that we can live with the trails put in front of us and come out stronger that we ever thought.  People say to me all the time, how do you do it?  I think to myself and laugh that, "I just do!"  You could too if it was put in front of you, you are forced too. Most of us think we couldn't because of the things we would so selfishly have to give up.  But you just do it because you love your child.  What else would I do?  Lock him in a closet somewhere and throw him some food and water every now and again?  He is my son and is a person that God created and has given him to us as a gift.  We are charged with taking care of him. 

Over the last 9 months since Beckett has been diagnosed with SYNGAP1 I have come to know many people that are going to be life long friends and am excited that we can be a support for each other.  We together are working on a way to raise awareness and hoping to begin a foundation that will raise money for research and to help families like ours with medical financial needs.  Of course, we are looking for a civil attorney that can donate their time to help us out with that..so if you happen know anyone..send them my way! ;)  

Since my last update on Beckett, he has begun to say more words.  This morning he called for his daddy to come get him and has said the phrase "Help Me!".  We have him on a new medication called Intuniv that helps him with his impulsive behavior and acts as a mood stabilizer. We have had to adjust it some as at first it made him sleep 16 hours a day. He takes it one time a day. I think we now have it set to where he takes it at night before he goes to bed and helps him not to be so sleepy.
Over all, Beckett is still making slow progress, but it's progress.  He still has his daily meltdowns afterschool, but we are working on those and my "art of distraction" is getting better.  We still take everyday as just that, day by day.

And you know I couldn't just end my post with that.  I have to share how proud I am of my oldest son for graduating from the United States Marine Corp.  He has made me so proud too! 

I do, because you just do...

..yes..life is not always greener on the other side.  It's hard to remember that when you are feeling sorry for yourself and wishing it was different, how things could really be.  People ask me all the time, "how do you do it?"..you just do because you have to..you could to if you had to...

Please watch...I have to remind myself everyday not to wish for something different..because it could be the kind of different that you would never think.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10200907170114838&set=vb.351443748204703&type=2&theater

 

Summer Blues

I guess I am going through the up & down emotions of having my oldest son in the United States Marine Corp Boot Camp right now.  He is in his 5th week and has started the 2nd Phase of training.  I worry about him getting hurt or getting sick.  I didn't think it would be this hard to let go as a mom.  His siblings are also missing him.  I can't remember the last time I actually watched the mailbox for letters.  Usually it's just the bills! LOL!  The twins seem to miss him too.  Pyper asks every now and then where he is and Beckett goes to his recliner every night to give him a kiss good night.  That's where Taylor usually was when he wasn't at work or at a friends house.  Anyway, I can't wait till September when he graduates and is officially a United States Marine!  Ooh Raa!!!

Since the beginning of summer we have had the twins in summer camp at our rec center. Beckett really seems to enjoy it.  He sure is tired though at the end of the day and has the occasional melt downs in the evening.  We ended up having to take him off his ADHD medication again, because of the irritability and anxiety it causes him.  It seems to cause his meltdowns to be worse as he comes down of the medication. 

I am happy to say that I have met another mom in my area with a son Beckett's age that has SYNGAP.  He is a little older than Beckett and looks a though he is hitting the same milestones at about the same time as Beckett did.  My new friend has told me about absence seizures that her son has.  I wasn't quite sure what they were until she explained them to me.  I have recently been paying closer attention to Beckett's behavior and have noticed that his inattention at times could be these types of seizures. I always thought his zoned out inattention could be chalked up to being his ADHD. She gave me the name of her neurologist and I have since made an appointment with him to check him for these type seizures.  So I am hoping to get clarification through a sleep study I am going to ask him to do. 

 

 

I have been feeling guilty because we don't' have him private therapy because of the cost and times available for me to have to go to work.  I understand much better how moms or dads have to give up their careers to take care of a special needs child.  It is incredibly frustrating!  I am glad that he gets to go to summer camp with his sister and be able to be around "normal" kids his age.  I believe it helps him understand the social expectations a bit better. I am also getting excited about him starting a full day PPCD and seeing where that will lead us this year.  Beckett is still on the waiting list for a day program for ABA, but we are still trying to workout getting to and from the program while I work.  I have faith the God will work out something if it His plan.  Hopefully the summer blues will subside soon.  I am trying to gear up for another year of teaching.  This will be year number 19 and counting!  Let's hope I can get to retirement..LOL! :) 

It's a God Thing!

It's amazing how when you think your entire world will fall in on you, something happens to catch you right before you hit the ground. This last week has been up and down.  As I had shared last week I was excited that Beckett was able to go to summer camp. Not even 24 hours after posting in my blog my excitement I get that phone call I was hoping I wouldn't get.  They weren't sure they would be able to let him stay.  He was having accidents in his pants and the little girl who was shadowing him wasn't really prepared to change dirty underwear.  I cried all day and night just praying that God would allow something to work out so Chris and I could get a break.  We had gone in to talk to the director and she said to us she really wanted this to work. She told us they were going give it until Friday to decide whether or not he would be able to come back the next week. I figured that Beckett was nervous and had high anxiety that was literally "scaring the poop" out of him.  When we returned on Thursday the director had said she was able to switch the schedule around to allow one of her counselors who was a  "mom" take care of him.  I was so relieved that she did that for Beckett. So far, he has been back this week, still having a couple of accidents but we now have someone who isn't worried about cleaning up a mess.  Come to find out Ms. Dee has eight children of her own.  She said it doesn't bother her at all and she was glad to be able to help.  I was so ecstatic when I picked him up he didn't have one accident today!! I hope the rest of the week at camp goes the way today did.

Besides the good news of Beckett not having an accident today.  The best was yet to come. I got a call from my geneticist this afternoon. He shared with me that he had gotten an email from a researcher at Texas Children's Hospital asking him if he had any families with SYNGAP1. He said to me; "Monica, I had gotten your email and two days later I received an email out of the blue from a researcher here at Texas Children's wanting to know if I had any patients with SYNGAP1.  I was scratching my head and thinking to myself, that's really odd and the two emails were totally unrelated?"  He began to explain to me that they are about to begin a study on SYNGAP1 here in Houston at Texas Children's. They are looking for families wanting to participate that have children diagnosed with SYNGAP1. He ask me if I would have a problem with him giving me Beckett's information. Of course my response was ABSOLUTLEY NOT!! This is great news!!! I am so excited the this has gotten more attention in the scientific world!!! I  am so excited that they want to use Beckett in their study!!! WHOOP!  Before I ended my conversation with Dr. Scott he mentioned again how much of a coincidence it was to get two emails in less than two days totally unrelated about the same thing.  I told him that that's not a coincidence...that's a God thing!! He giggled over the phone and said, "you are probably right, I do believe that God allows things to happen like this."  I told him, "This was an answered prayer!"  He told me, "Yep..I believe in those too!" 

Time for Summer!

We started the summer this last weekend visiting Galveston Island State Park & Beach.  You could say that this was Beckett's first "real" beach trip.  The last time we had brought the twins, they were only 16 months old.  I don't really count that one since they really don't remember it.  He loved the ocean.  He walked right into the water and into the waves.  He would have floated away if his daddy wasn't right there with him.  He was so excited!  I don't think I have ever heard him laugh so hard every time a wave hit him.  He laughed constantly for almost two hours strait.  We had some of the most fun that day and more was on it's way!

Beckett's First "Real" Beach Trip 2013

This week Beckett has begun his first ever summer camp.  I am excited and worried at the same time.  This camp is not geared for special needs children. Mrs. Darlene the director of the camp has made it possible for my son to be able to participate with the kids his age.  I am happy to know that she has taken an interest in making my son apart of her program.  She has made accommodation's for him and to allow him to be with his twin sister for 6 weeks out of the summer. A young teenage student has been appointed a help the lead counselor with Beckett and to follow him in every activity planned, even in swimming.  Of course, my biggest fear is him swimming...he can't!  He has no concept of danger or fear.  I also worry about him wandering off unnoticed.  I know that they are aware of all his habits and won't let that happen.

So today is his second day.  I haven't had a phone call yet to come get him, so I am assuming he is fitting in just fine.  I am so thankful that the FAC director has seen a need to include the children in her program with special needs.  I wish more childcare facilities did a better job of mainstreaming special needs kids with others.  I believe it is not only good for the special needs child, but the child who has no disabilities to serve others who need it.  I am sure his experience this summer will help him continue to progress and develop his language and other skills and also maybe expose others to differences they are not use to. 


 

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New FB Group for SYNGAP

Anyone who is a parent or caregiver of someone who has a variance in the SYNGAP gene is welcome.  Please join us to connect with other families who are dealing with similar situations.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/SYNGAP1CONNECT/

Thanks!




 

NEW FACEBOOK PAGE: Parents and Families of People with SYNGAP1

I have created a new Facebook Page to connect and educate families around the world with SYNGAP1.

This disorder is also known as MRD5, RASA1, RASA5, SYNGAP.

https://www.facebook.com/Syngap1?ref=hl

You are not alone!!!

 

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Feeling Joy In Life Again!

It's been a while since I have posted an update.  I have done some soul searching that past few months and have realized that I had let my circumstance's in my life take control of my joy and happiness. I realize that through Christ, I really can't lose my joy, but I can be sad and unhappy when troubles  come up; which is ok. I just can't let it paralyze me.  I am going through the stages of grief learning to accept the life my child and family has been given.  I have come along way from the sadness in the last few months. God has shown me that He gave Chris and I this child because He trusts us to take care of him and raise him in the light of Christ and will use him for His glory. God has given me promises through the Bible that I stand on to keep me strong during the hard days.

Romans 8:27-29
²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹ For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.

Ephesians 1:11
In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will,

I have to remind myself everyday that God is in control and that no matter what happens there will always be a purpose that God has a plan for.  I have decided to get involved with a couple of organizations that I can give of my time and also encourage others with a message of hope.  This helps me to give of myself and help others in times of trouble.  You just never know when God will open a door that He will allow us to walk through.  It really does make you feel better to know you are helping others.  It helps too minimize the magnitude of your own problems. 

I have also learned that when you let negative consume you, the good sometimes is over looked.  Beckett  has been a huge blessing to our family. His smile and laugh are contagious and when he laughs, you laugh with him.  I often look at him and wonder what I would have done without him.  He is becoming more receptive everyday and learning to do simple tasks.  He is beginning to imitate behaviors I never thought he would.  He watches me do chores around the house and follows me to do the same.  He helps load the washer & dryer and even tries to help put dishes away.  He wants to help sweep, rake the yard, pull the weeds..(well, sometimes my flowers), help his daddy push the lawnmower, bag grass and even help sand his play house for it to be re-painted. 

His speech is getting better also.  On Easter Sunday a week ago, Beckett said his big brothers name for the very first time..."Taylor"...not so much with the "T" sound, but it was pretty darn close.  We were so excited!! He sings to the radio in the car, and just loves Bruno Mars! 

I know that there are going to be tough days ahead and that I still have to take it day by day.  But the only way I can make it is through the Grace of God!  Otherwise, I don't know how I would get through it.  I really don't consider myself a "preachy" type person, but I am being real about my thoughts and feelings.  I do also want to note that I am so far from perfect and am human like anyone else.  I just want to share with the world what God has done for me and my family. 

Easter Sunday 2013

New Hope - New Friends

I have seen first hand how a person can go from one extreme to the other in about a week.  Life is strange sometimes. I feel bi-polar!  LOL!  I think I'm at a point where I don't think I'll ever get it, but just to go with the flow.  Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is so faint that you feel like your moving away from it and not to it.  It's amazing how life turns around just when you need it to.  You just hold on long enough for that to happen.  God knows exactly what to do and how to tell you it's going to be ok. 
In the past week I have had the opportunity to meet new people who are in the same boat as me.  I am so blessed that one found me though reading my blog.  I am so excited to be able to talk to someone who is going through some of the same feelings and emotions I am.  It has given me the determination to continue to have hope and push forward with whatever it is I am suppose to do....I'm still working on that one.  My new friend has introduced me to a new FB group of AWESOME people who have children that have Chromosome 6 Disorders.  https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/chromosome6/
I really don't know what I would have done if I didn't have social media to be able to find people who are going through the similar things as I am. 

My Bean - Riding His Belle At Therapy

I also found a new hope in sharing my information on SYNGAP 1 with a person who works in a large pharmaceutical company.  She has told me to appeal to gene therapy companies to peak their interest in doing research on treating the functional gene with micro molecules.  I'm not really sure what that is, but it's worth a try.  So I now have a new goal to work on.  My energy is slowly coming back and my hope in a new day is keeping me going.  Only by the strength of the Lord can I do this!

Rock Bottom & Climbing

As I look back during this last year from when I started this blog, I have to say that this last week has been the absolute worst in my life.  I have been fighting back emotions in several areas of my life over the past 6 months.  I will not lie about feeling so low that I really felt like not going on in this world.  As I said in early posts that I had an outside influence that was affecting our family. This unfortunately happens to be my ex husband.  He hates me, my husband and our success so much that he would do anything to hurt us. 

My youngest son I allowed to go live him because I decided to go to mediation instead of going through a arduous court battle, AGAIN! He has taken us to court before and lied about many things and caused us to waste close to $25,000 that was reserved for my older children's college education.  He has successfully turned my 15 year old son against us.  I believe my son being the youngest, has felt like I have forgotten about him while trying to raise my twins.  As most people realize, raising a special needs child does consume an enormous amount of time and money.  Therefore resulting in changes of the dynamic of how things are done within the family.
The frustration level that I feel is almost indescribable and unbearable.  I am very sad that my 15 year old and my 20 year old are having to deal with anger and bitterness that is directed at both myself and their father. My 18 year old keeps things to himself and doesn't like talking about his feelings.  Which also worries me.  I never wanted it to be that way and have no idea how to fix it.  I wish they would have had a happy childhood, but unfortunately they have had to pay the price for adults who can't act like adults.  I have to admit, that I haven't been the best parent, but I have tried my best. I feel I have failed as a parent and in those regards has been hard to accept. 
Trying to juggle not only my other children I have had to juggle my marriage.  You would think that we would get time together because we work together at the same job.  We don't have much alone time or time to focus on our relationship as a couple.  When you don't spend time together building you then tend to fall apart.  The stress of having a special needs child on a marriage was more than I expected.  I believed I was going to lose everything this week and didn't want to live to see what it would be like losing everything again.  I found myself laying face down on the floor crying in my room begging God to just take me away.  I even feel guilty saying it, let alone thinking it.  I heard a very small voice whisper in my ear, "I will carry you through".  I stopped crying and I prayed for the strength to carry on.  It gave me the peace that the future was going to be ok.  I think I had hit "rock bottom" this week and only the Lord above is able to carry me out of the rocks.  I still fight the sadness, but I try to remember the God is in control and He has a plan.  But I honestly have to say...I really don't know what that is.

Possible Treatment for SYNGAP 1 Gene

I have come across an article published December 10, 2012 that talks about the possible treatment for my sons disability.  I am praying that they will find one soon before the window closes on him.  Pray for a cure!  Read the article and pass it along to your friends you know that has a child with special needs or autism.  It could be a medical break through. 
http://sfari.org/news-and-opinion/news/2012/autism-linked-protein-sets-pace-for-brain-development








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RESULTS ARE IN!!! SYNGAP-1 gene

I am sad and glad at the same time. Today we found out that my son Beckett has been diagnosed with a very rare autosomal dominant disorder called SYNGAP-1 gene. It doesn't even have a name yet. I am hoping to find out more information on it, but there is not much out there in terms of a prognosis.  I don't know whether to cry or breath a sigh of relief.  Texas Children's Genetic Center called this afternoon and told us that Beckett had a very rare genetic disorder that is so new that they even don't know much about it.  They have only just recently identified one more child with the same syndrome in February. We are relieved to find out that it will not affect his twin or his other 1/2 brothers and sister.  Neither Chris or I have the gene defect and the genetic counselor has explained that it was a fluke in nature.  They do not know whether it was caused by the environment or if something just when wrong after fertilization.  Of course, we might not ever know what caused it.   They explained to me that there could be more out there but the test is only a year old and very expensive to run.  Some of the symptoms of this disorder are seizures, schizophrenia, moderate to severe mental retardation, speech delay, and autism type behaviors.  The doctors at Texas Children's have worked us into an appointment on January 7th to see Beckett and talk with us about what they do know and how to move forward with his treatment.  I am now seeking a new direction and feel that I must do something to further the research of how to help he children and families with this disorder. 

I do however, must mention that even though the news I have received today about Beckett, I am grateful that I have him to hold and hug.  Today was a horrible day in our country and I will pray for those who lost loved ones in Connecticut in the school shooting.  My heart is heavy and broken for all those affected.  I realized today that even though I have trails of my own, I am very thankful that I have my children with me today.  I was also reminded that through bad times, God truely will make good for His glory, even if we can't see it now through the hurt.  GOD BLESS THOSE BABIES AND TEACHERS WHO DIED TODAY!! They are in the ARMS OF JESUS NOW!!